The Adventures of Mike Vaz

New Year’s Eve: A Movie By Idiots For Idiots

This is my first actual movie review. I used to write reviews for porn but the pay sucked. I also silently judge myself and others from afar. Read it and weep suckers.

This movie was so shitty that I had to take a metaphorical shit on it to emphasize its shitiness. I can only hope this will inspire a literal shit on the DVD in the near future. If you ever run out of toilet paper, use the DVD. In fact, take a picture of the DVD, print out multiple sheets of it, and make your own toilet paper roll out of them. Don’t stop there. Mail your turds to everyone who participated in letting this movie happen. Fight the good fight, people.

This movie follows the lives of numerous assholes as they go about their day in NYC right before the ball drops on New Year’s Eve. The movie has no actual plot but it stars everybody. This insured that people would pay to see it regardless of its vapid existence. Such names as Horseface, that rapper guy, douchebag with the face, and that lady from Scarface that I confused for Susan Sarandon, appear reluctantly in this film. Anyway, this movie is really about actors and actresses putting in minimal effort to get a paycheck. Failing to grab my attention, I took numerous beer breaks during the film to contemplate my life and wonder why I was even enduring such an atrocity. I don’t even really know how it ended but it had something to do with second chances and love or some other overused concept. Before you even think about watching this movie, consider doing something else. Jump off a bridge, make a child cry, don’t pay taxes - just do whatever it takes to avoid the incineration of your eyes and the death of many brain cells.